Apocalypse From Now On

the substance

REMEMBER YOU ARE ONE (THE SUBSTANCE, 2024)

I understand why she wants to look young and beautiful, because on some level, so do I. Passing would make my life infinitely easier, even if I don't want to do it. I resent the implication I should care, and I also cannot deny that it is the reality I experience.

I Hope The Trump Camps Have a Zip-Line

The liberal echo chamber of Bluesky is supposed to be a safe haven, but for whom? My mentions and timeline are constantly full of blue-wave scolds who act like queer and trans people are some kind of exotic fantasy creature invented for the purpose of making insensitive jokes or resolving

movies

LONGLEGS Was Transphobic Whether You Liked It Or Not

I find myself constantly wondering if writers and directors are mining queer experiences for the spooky vibes on purpose, or if people are so used to queerness being monstrous that they invoke us as boogeymen without thinking about it.

butt photos

Subscriber's Gallery Update: Impact

To be honest I'm proud as hell of these photos, and there is nowhere else I can share them without censorship, so I'm excited to post them here.

personal

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Visible

I am still shaky and tired, but i have missed this too much.  I am ready to be seen by you again. Either as an oddity or a cliche: look upon me with love, if you can.

personal

Out Of Office Till 08/16

I'm not going anywhere, but this blog is taking a breather until August. I promise I will be back. Thank you for understanding, and I will be grateful if you continue to support me while I am touching that fabled grass.

photos

Photo Gallery: Nightmare Fuel

It's been funny to remember how mythically scary these films were in my mind, especially compared to the movies I actually got to see once I was able to rent them for myself.

cult movies

Out. Hold. In. (I SAW THE TV GLOW, 2024)

I finally wrote about the ending of I SAW THE TV GLOW. Massive spoilers if you have not seen the movie. You have been warned.

elizabeth purchell

Welcome to Pornotopia (ASK ANY BUDDY, 2018)

ASK ANY BUDDY is a trippy journey through the unfiltered sexual id of queer men and the grainy digital remnants of the world they built for themselves, a world that could never truly exist.

tennessee williams

What Does Any Of This Have To Do With Tennessee Williams?

It feels facile to say I feel a kinship with a writer like Tennessee Williams; it’s like a flashlight claiming the same common heritage as the moon. And yet I felt I understood.

photos

Photo Gallery: FROM BEYOND Set 1

There's a new FROM BEYOND essay coming your way in a few weeks, but for now, please enjoy these weird photos I made with a homemade light filter and some 80s hunk closet cosplay.

In Spite of It All (SIDESHAVE, 2024)

(note: this post includes descriptions of BDSM practices, proceed accordingly) “Because I’m sick, because there was so much sickness, because I said fuck the sickness [...] and in spite of it all I have no guilt;” In SICK: THE LIFE AND DEATH OF BOB FLANAGAN, SUPER-MASOCHIST, Bob tells us about

personal

You Can Teach Yourself to Shave

The first step of shaving your face is realizing that you are now the kind of man who needs to shave his face, and you have no clue how to go about that.

cult movies

Three Film Recs for I SAW THE TV GLOW

I SAW THE TV GLOW is easily the best movie I have seen this year. If you are trans and weird, if you love media more than some people ever loved you, if you feel any kind of kinship in my writing; see it as soon as you can, and see it in a theater.

baby reindeer

I Did Not Like Baby Reindeer (But We Should Still Discuss It)

This guy is clearly an asshole. And yes, Donny may be a traumatized and relatable asshole. But being traumatized does not give you permission to use a trans person as a rehabilitation facility, or a plot device for your television show.

the people's joker

Flaming Beautiful Failure (THE PEOPLE'S JOKER, 2022)

I am still doing this because I want to be the person I am right now more than I want my own teeth. If you’ve never had your heart beat like this, if you’ve never been so sure you’re willing to die for it, if you’ve never wanted something this badly? I feel sorry for you.

geographies of public sex

Audience is Everything (GEOGRAPHIES OF PUBLIC SEX, 2024)

Nobody yelled at the screen or demanded an explanation for what they had witnessed. Instead, someone behind me whispered “oh my god,” in the tone of someone witnessing a miracle. Any prophet can turn water into wine, but the right audience can turn it into an event you'll always remember.

goodfellas

My Understanding of GOODFELLAS Is Inarguable Proof That I Am a Man

Two-and-a-half-hours later, I was a changed man. Specifically, I was transformed into a biological man by the undeniable movie magic of Mr. Martin Scorsese. I always thought THE KING OF COMEDY was my favorite Scorsese, but this one gave me a free sex change, so I’m gonna update my roster.

News

Publishing Schedule Update and Some Friday Favorites

Weekly updates are moving to Wednesday, starting next week. (Also, if you have not seen GOODFELLAS, this is your warning to do so before next Wednesday. It's great, you'll like it, I promise.)

personal

A Fevered State of The Union Twentieth Post Address

I’m not saying I’ll stop, because I don’t care about any other work than this. But imagine if it could sustain me as diligently as I sustain it? That’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted, and I’m closer than I have ever been. Why not ask for what I need? Why not make the leap, and hope I’ll land clean?

love lies bleeding

What to Watch After LOVE LIES BLEEDING

Four films to watch next if you enjoyed LOVE LIES BLEEDING. (As spoiler-free as I could manage.)

paid subscriber

Photo Gallery: Title Card Art

The mix of light and color sources you can get from movie title cards makes some kind of weird magic with an HDR filter, and I really like the results. I also really like you paid subscribers, because you paid for a lot of my groceries this month, so thanks for that.

apocalypse from now on

Linda/Les and Annie and Me (LINDA/LES AND ANNIE, 1989)

LINDA/LES AND ANNIE is a messy handjob from the past, jagged with static and studded with mistakes. It still touched me. Burn us out of the archives, we'll find each other in pornography. I've never been so proud to be trans.

apocalypse from now on

OK, But Why Does He Sleep In There? (The Tillenghast Question, Part 2)

If you think Cronenberg movies are accidentally queer, wait till you see Ken Foree under the influence of intergalactic sex pollen, jello-wrestling a giant goopworm in tiny orange undies.

cult movies Featured

Three Ways You Can Enjoy Weird Art for Free

My media diet is a patchwork of things I have figured out how to access for free or cheap, and I do almost all of my research the same way. I don’t even know how to use JSTOR, and at this point, I’m kind of afraid to ask.